why didn't you poke me back
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
