Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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