Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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