dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
