I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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