Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
