No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just pee around me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
