Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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