Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
