I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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