I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's like iHOP with fire
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
