Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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