Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
