I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
