i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
