Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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