Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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