I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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