$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
