I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
