She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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