glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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