Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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