Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
