Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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