Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You may now shotgun with the bride
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
