apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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