My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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