the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
