P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
