I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
