i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
