I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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