Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
