Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize