Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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