AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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