i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
