Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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