he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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