Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
