yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
