I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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