I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
