He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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