There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
