i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
