Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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