He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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