Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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