I want to walk on stilts...naked
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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