we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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