i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
