Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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