the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
