how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
