I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
