I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
