in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
