i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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