I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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