there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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