Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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