god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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