i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ttyl tear gas
This baby is an asshole
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
