Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
