i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
