sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
