And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
