I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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