soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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