Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A bitchslap is in order.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
