I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
