dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
