I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
