the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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