And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
