me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
